The ‘Black Swan’ Effect

This past weekend I passed a rigorous exam 2.5 years in the making.  I can now add the credentials Internationally-Certified Iyengar Yoga Instructor to my name.   When the results were announced, I was proud.   Then came the brutal feedback.   The confidence I had during the day was quickly replaced with something uglier.  You see I’m a perfectionist, and my exam results were less than perfect.  I had expected more of myself and was disappointed I hadn’t met those expectations.  I wanted nothing of the very kind but equally bullshit excuses my examiners were making for my mistakes: nerves and exam inexperience.   I only wanted perfection.

Then the curtain fell on my strong exterior façade.  I’m embarrassed to admit that in front of the examiners, my teacher and peers, I let my guard and showed my Black Swan self.  I told them honestly how I wasn’t actually as happy about passing as I should have been.  In fact, I was incredibly angry at myself for having not been perfect.

In six months I’ll have a second chance to do it all again.   This time I’ll leave my Nina at home.

Sore Loser

I’m competitive.   I hate to loss.

I especially hate to lose when I think my team was the better of the two.   The worst part about being on the wrong side of a loss is when I have to pretend to wish the other team well or console myself with words like “There’s always next year”.  I don’t want to wish the winning team good luck throughout, for example, the rest of the playoffs.   I want to sit with the loss and own my feelings of anguish.  This isn’t me taking things more seriously, I’m simply being open and honest about how I feel.

I’m not going to switch allegiances and jump on another team’s bandwagon.  If my team is out, so am I.

Plus, no one can beat that opening –  It’s hard to get excited for anything less.

Drama Queen

I’ve lived a fairly sheltered life.   Partially by my own doing, partially because I’ve been blessed with good fortune.  I do feel grateful for the lack of Apocalyptic-type events in my life so far.  There are times however when my lack of interest in my own life must get to me so much that I stir up things just to make my life seem more exciting.  [Psychologists weigh in here.]

I’m a bonafide Drama Queen.

Call-Screener

To be clear, I don’t actually screen my calls.  Saying so would imply I look at the number and decide depending on the name on the call display whether or not to answer.   I simply choose not to pick up the phone every time it rings. (business phone excluded).   I can’t always be in the right frame of mind to talk every time my phone rings and I give myself some slack because of this fact.   I’m also not married to my phone, so much so I often find myself without it having forgotten it in my car, in another room, or God knows where.*

So sue me.

*I once left my cell phone on the hood of my car and surprisingly enough remembered, albeit a little to late, where I had put it.   But that’s a story for another post.

Update: A recent article in the New York Times talks about this very subject.

NERD!

I  weep over anatomy.  Words liked serratus anterior make me weak in the knees.   Best way to grab my attention at a cocktail party?  Talk about the function of the rotator cuff muscles.

I am a nerd.  Don’t judge me.

Neglectful Me

I often wish there were more of me.  A Kimmy-clone army to walk the Earth pretending to be me when I can’t be in two places at once.  Or at the very least, I’d have minions to do my bidding.  I’d have them go out on assignment to get things done when I simply don’t have the time to do them myself.

Ya, that’s the solution – minions.  Why hadn’t I thought of that before?! Cheaper than a clone army too.

I’ll admit I go through periods when I neglect my friends, my family, and my responsibilities to others and myself.   I haven’t figured out the secret to getting it all done, being everything to everyone, and not letting others down.   This includes the above mentioned friends, family, and students.

But the minion plan, now that could change my life.

 

Shameless Self-Promoter

How else can I get the word out about my teaching and reach new students….for free to boot?

Here’s an example of how I’m putting my teaching out there for you. Let me know what you think or what else you’d like to learn.

Walking The Walk

I don’t practice 3 hours a day.

The average time I set aside for my yoga practice daily varies from obsessively long to pathetically short. Heck, some days it’s nonexistant. As a teacher there are times I feel I’m not “walking-the-walk”; as a yogi I know it’s ok to give myself a break. Somes days it’s simply a case of I just don’t want to practice.  Instrinsic motivation was never my strong suit.

You’ll be happy to hear I’m currently miles away from yoga practice burnout but I’ve been there before. It’s not pretty.

Forgiving My Flaws…

…and God knows I have a lot of them so this might take awhile.

Yoga Journal recently posted an article on forgiving your flaws.  I could relate – I drink coffee almost daily.  Mmmm….lattes.

But I digress.  For the record: I don’t care if someone judges me for my imperfections.  I simply don’t have the energy to waste on thinking about it.

Enjoy the article.

Spoiled Rotten

There are days when I want to smack myself in the face. I’m very fortunate for the opportunities I’ve been given but for some reason they aren’t always enough.

I have the disease of ‘Wanting’: A better career, a larger client base, more knowledge, etc., etc., etc. But here’s the kicker: I don’t always work as hard as I should to get what I want. I’m horribly spoiled. I call it the “Middle-class-Canadian-white-girl-from-the-suburbs” disease. Life has come too easily for me.

Here’s a quote I recently heard that hit home: “Give 100% to the things you want to do; give 110% to the things you don’t.” – Lou Lamoriello

It’s the things you don’t want to do that are the ones you really need to do to grow and accomplish great things. Especially as a middle-class-Canadian-white-girl-from-the-suburbs I owe it to those less fortunate to use the opportunities I’ve been given.

How does this relate to yoga? Your yoga practice is a metaphor for life: You accomplish great things through dedication, sacrifice and practice. Don’t expect to be able to do a handstand by sitting on your ass all day.

This yogi is ramping up her “practice”. Stay tuned for great things.