The Oprah Cult

It’s the end of an era.  After 25 years, boyfriends and husbands everywhere will no longer have to hear the words “I saw this thing on Oprah today…”

I’ll admit, I’m part of the Oprah cult.   Not the crying until your head blows off hysteria shown by some Oprah guests (see SNL skit) but the altruistic, do something that makes your heart sing and does the world good philosophy.

On her final show, Oprah said this:

“What I knew for sure from this experience with you is that we are all called. Everybody has a calling, and your real job in life is to figure out what that is and get about the business of doing it.” -Oprah

I believe  in what Oprah is saying.   So much so, I’ve struggled with depression, self-loathing, and thoughts of suicide in my 30 odd years all because I thought was I was doing was bullshit, an example of doing what’s easiest, not what’s best.  I knew in my bones that life could be about something much better.

But checking out of life and feelings of self-loathing don’t help anyone, least of all yourself.

I’ve turned many pages since and know I’ve found my calling.  My feelings have switched to self confidence and happiness with a sprinkling of self-doubt and fear.  There are still darks days but the difference now is I work to keep my courage up to plug ahead.  Because it’s not the destination that matters but the journey you take to be and do better.

Thank you, Oprah.

Where Did I Come From?

I am adopted.  But so is Po.

Yoga Ninja Kim (as I am nicknamed – guess that’s another confession) and the coolest panda in movie history have something in common.

The ‘Black Swan’ Effect

This past weekend I passed a rigorous exam 2.5 years in the making.  I can now add the credentials Internationally-Certified Iyengar Yoga Instructor to my name.   When the results were announced, I was proud.   Then came the brutal feedback.   The confidence I had during the day was quickly replaced with something uglier.  You see I’m a perfectionist, and my exam results were less than perfect.  I had expected more of myself and was disappointed I hadn’t met those expectations.  I wanted nothing of the very kind but equally bullshit excuses my examiners were making for my mistakes: nerves and exam inexperience.   I only wanted perfection.

Then the curtain fell on my strong exterior façade.  I’m embarrassed to admit that in front of the examiners, my teacher and peers, I let my guard and showed my Black Swan self.  I told them honestly how I wasn’t actually as happy about passing as I should have been.  In fact, I was incredibly angry at myself for having not been perfect.

In six months I’ll have a second chance to do it all again.   This time I’ll leave my Nina at home.